Those days of the month

You only can see the rainbow when it is rainy.

Some days it all adds up and what you got is not enough.
[...]
Some days are honest, some days are not;
Some days you're thankful for what you've got.
[...]
Some days I hear a voice taking me to another place.
Some days are better then others.

- U2: Some days are better than others.

Let's face it. There is a thing on EVS you will hardly hear about. You will hear about the fun, the friends, the memories, the tasks, the daily experience... But never about the those days we all have; those bad mood days, those dark moments of fear, pressure, loneliness, lack of motivation... And about that is my article today. Woo-hoo!!

At the beginning, everything is brand new. Or at least, it should be. It can be something you can touch, as the food, or something you can feel, as the time you take the lunch. The people you are going to be with is also new to you: mentors, coordinators, co-workers, flatmates... And of course, you will take awareness of what's around you: stores, markets, parks, restaurants...

After one month, or even less, and without realising, you will have set a daily routine. 
Seems nice, isn't it?

The problem with routine is that, after some time, everything seems the same. No new adventures, no new people, no new tasks... Sometimes, it may happen that you feel down, kinda stuck, maybe two months after your arrival, maybe after the on-arrival training, maybe when you think you have everything under control...

Suddenly, there is a day you feel different. There is a day you feel lost and alone in a foreign country, missing home. Or without a clue and any motivations about your work, asking yourself if you are doing right with/for your project. Or disappointed about your current situation (housing, food, daily life, relationships...), wondering if coming here has been a good idea.

Yes, this can happen during your EVS too. But don't be discouraged about this!

Actually, those are better news that it seems: the comfort itself is pushing you out of your place. Now you are starting to think, to discuss with yourself, what you really want, what you need (and what don't) and to realise how are you feeling right now. You see, nothing bad at all.

So, change your mind. First: EVS, or whatever takes you out of your comfort zone is, indeed, a good idea. Probably, it's the best you ever had, but you still haven't time to realise about it. 

And second: this is absolutely normal. Actually, you are really strong for choosing this path, which isn't the easiest one. When you speak with other volunteers, most of them are feeling or has felt one of those moments, one way or another.

This is my experience with those days, if it may help...

Don't get me wrong; I'm very, very, very happy to live and work here, and have the opportunity to live this unique adventure - you can't imagine how happy I am -. But I would be lying if I don't say that there have been some dark days lately, in which I felt falling down, struggling to find a single positive thing...
 ...and even during those days, I get to find, at least, three positive moments.

Those 'dark days' have been days in which I've felt lonely, feeling an empty space inside me, feeling without nobody to share some words, even when I had company (and the only time I'm completely alone is when I'm sleeping). My first reaction was to say: "Ok, I don't like how this feels. I will work to change it". 'Change', in that context, means take it out completely from my life.

But after have some interesting talks, with some members of my family here and everywhere, I decided to give it a try, and let that emptiness feeling be there, showing me whatever it has to teach. That feeling still seated down with me lately, more friendly everyday, working together to walk forward.

For me, the best you can do is that: let them be. They are going to exist, anyway. "Have fun" with them, if you find any creative way to do it. Or not; put them at your side until they finally go.
Because, as well they arrived, they will have gone when you least expect.

And one more thing: it may sound topic but, most of the times, solutions are just a talk away. Maybe with your flatmate(s), with your mentor(s), or with your coordinator(s). Being a journalist, I have to said that I'm still learning to communicate when there are some situations at home I don't like, which I used to keep for myself...

Try to don't do that, because it's the worse you can do. A small issue can grow as a snow ball running down a mountain. Maybe your words doesn't get the desire effect, maybe yes... You'll never know until you open the box. Anyway, it will be worth it.

It is not being an easy change, I have to say. Nobody said so. Well, Coldplay already warned us. But growing as a person is part of the EVS learning process as well. Take it easy, and enjoy the road.